Voices around Easter 5 - Walking to the Garden

 John is walking with Jesus and the others to the garden after sharing the last supper. He's trying to make sense of that occasion whilst being concerned about what is going on around them, and feeling very, very tired ...

It’s a very dark night tonight, much more than the last few evenings when we have walked out of Jerusalem to the garden. Today we could hardly see the Kidron brook as we came down the hill. We’re all unusually quiet too. This evening together was different and I guess we’re all trying to work out what it means. Jesus had a lot to say. It may be that he is going away – don’t know where to. That’s a real worry. Without him around I don’t think we would know what to do. But he is, he said, going to send us another companion, comforter, advocate. I’d love to know what he meant. I’ll have to ask him once the Passover festival is over. That is assuming that nothing serious happens in the meantime. Maybe I’ll write some notes of what he said tomorrow when it’s light. Never know when they might come in useful.

Yes, he did have a lot to say. He had a lot on his mind, a lot he wanted to get off his chest to us. It was different tonight. It was not just what he said. He’s often talked to us twelve and tried to explain what was going on and how it fits with the scriptures, so we’re used to all that. Tonight it was what he did as well, and how he did it. I was close to him all the time, so I know how it all happened. It all started when he wrapped a towel round his waist and knelt down and washed our feet. Kneeling down! A teacher like Jesus shouldn’t kneel down, even to his friends. Putting it mildly, washing dusty smelly Middle Eastern feet is not the nicest thing to do. As he did it he looked at each one of us in the eye. It was a loving penetrating look, saying ‘See what I am doing. This is how you should treat each other.’ Peter could not keep quiet. He was not having anything of it and he refused to let Jesus wash his feet. Jesus quietly told Peter that if he wanted to be his friend, then he had to have his feet washed. So Peter, quick and impulsive as ever, said that Jesus should not only wash his feet, but all over as well. Rather over the top. I know what he meant, but I think the rest of us groaned quietly to ourselves. There’s Peter, going to extremes again, we thought.

Then Judas left. I don’t think he’s come back to join us. Hard to tell in the dark and to recognise all the faces. He probably went to get some more provisions, since we’d all eaten quite a lot. But, - now I remember - just around the time that Judas left there was talk about someone betraying Jesus. We don’t know who that might be or what kind of betrayal Jesus had in mind. But it added a touch of unease to the atmosphere. Yes, Jesus had a few quiet words with Judas and then Judas went out.

Then the most remarkable thing of all. Jesus took the bread, as he always did. He blessed it and told us to take it and eat it saying ‘this my body’. And with the cup of wine too – ‘this my blood. Do this in remembrance of me’. He looked at us. He looked at the bread and the wine and as he did it he seemed to, I don’t quite know how to put it, he seemed to fill them with his own self, so that they all appeared to be joined together as one. And as we passed the bread and wine to each other we sensed that we were all sharing in something unique. How can I describe it? I don’t know. It had a solemn mysterious and timeless feeling. Jesus had put himself into the bread and the wine, and we all shared it together. I don’t think anyone will ever explain completely what happened at that moment. You can’t always explain special occasions. You just have to have been there.

Actions speak louder than words. Jesus said many things this evening, but by washing our feet and sharing the bread and wine with us he made the meal more intimate than I could ever have imagined. But one of the things he said is playing around in my head right now. It’s exactly how we felt. ‘My peace I give you. My peace I leave with you. Peace that the world cannot give’. Yes, and although it’s dark and although we shared an imprecise sense of foreboding, those words bring back exactly how it felt at the meal in the upper room tonight.

But here we are at the garden. I’m exhausted. I really need some sleep. It’s still really dark here, but I think I know the path. Ouch! Where did that boulder come from? Just a minute. What’s that? I’m looking back over the brook to Jerusalem. Usually we can see some lights from windows in the walls and towers, but I think I saw some other lights moving outside the walls. Have we been watched? Are we being followed? The lights are a long way away at the moment … and now we’re in the garden I can’t see Jerusalem for the trees. Jesus is asking us to follow him into the garden to pray, so I’ll join the others. … I’ll sit down here. … I can hardly keep my eyes open. … Once I get comfortable, I’ll probably fall …..